sobriety

How the Abstinence Violation Effect Affects Recovery

Bryan Vasquez, CATC III, Certified Addiction CounselorLeave a comment

Have you ever made a determination to start a new habit and have you been able to stay 100% dedicated to it through the remainder of your life? (insert cricket sound…) Of course, if you are reading this then you are still living and cannot confirm nor deny the attainment of this goal. If you are like most people, you set a goal to establish some new behavior which can be performed consistently and probably have sometimes where you fall short of your idealized expectations. Perhaps you said you would start waking up an hour earlier so you can exercise, or you’ve sworn off some specific type of food, only to find yourself having periodic success.

This is all a normal part of the change process. Setting a goal, taking steps to achieve it, and at times falling short. For those struggling with some form of addiction, this is a very relatable topic. Making a commitment to stop drinking only to find yourself days, weeks, months or years down the road ingesting alcohol. If you can relate with this, I’d like you to think of a time when you deviated from your goal to abstain and what your mind told you the moment you veered off that path. Did it say something to the effect of “Well, you’ve had one so you might as well drink the rest of the 6 pack…” or “I knew I couldn’t do this, afterall I am an alcoholic and I always screw things up and get drunk”, or even “I slipped yesterday so I am only at day one so I might as well keep going and I can start again tomorrow”. This type of thinking is a prime example of the Abstinence Violation Effect, or AVE.

The Abstinence Violation Effect is when there is any deviation from a desired behavior goal and this deviation is viewed as a total failure. This viewpoint that the deviation is a total failure is then used as a further justification to continue using or doing the addictive behavior. I have had clients that expressed after having one sip of a drink, they felt so badly and shameful for failing that this was the permission giving thought that getting drunk wouldn’t be any worse. After 5 years of sobriety, someone had a glass of champagne at a wedding and then felt that they had wasted their 5 years of sobriety and would have to start over anyway, so they ended up going on a binge for the next 18 months for fear of having to “start over”.

While this phenomenon is common with all types of people, it is often seen the most in those who put a strong emphasis on total consecutive days sober, as opposed to cumulative days sober. If you’ve struggled with an addiction, imagine the most acute period when you were struggling, and then imagine if someone told you that you would have 5 years sober, with only a glass of champagne, or one use of your addiction over the course of those 5 years.  Would you see that as a victory, or would you focus on the fact that you had one day out of 1,825 days where you engaged in your addiction and therefore failed?

It is suggested to work on staying in the moment and not beating yourself up for deviating from the path of your desired goal. Just like your phone navigation system will autocorrect when you drive off the assigned path, so too can you make a course correction if you fall back into an old behavior pattern, however short or long in duration. One sip is better than one beer, one beer is better than dusting off the whole 12 pack and so on. We need not use one slip to justify continued slips. An old quote I enjoy: Start where you are, use what you have, and do what you can!

Coping with Lapses and Relapses

Bryan Vasquez, CATC III, Certified Addiction CounselorLeave a comment

Establishing long term sobriety is hard, and how one manages returns to old behaviors can either enhance this process or greatly jeopardize long term gains.  Gaining some sober time in the sum of weeks or months can feel invigorating and motivating; at times it is easier than it looked, while at others it is a downright battle.  Embarking on the journey of sobriety will bring ups and downs and lapses or relapses can dismantle even the purest of intentions, creating interpersonal conflict, legal/ work issues, and diminish self-worth.  

Progress is not a linear path and will require one to endure the oscillating effects of pleasure and pain.  It is a rarity for someone to determine to make a change in their lives and stick with this change without any reversals.  While this is true with any behavioral change, it is especially so with chemical dependency.  Receiving ultimatums from spouses, parents and bosses and the high consequential costs of relapses adds to the pressures felt to be perfect and to never use again under any circumstances.  It is true that these boundaries can influence abstinence and add in reminding us of the consequences of using, and they also can add to the guilt and shame felt if any deviance from abstinence occurs.  

As it is often said in the recovery field, relapse is a part of the recovery process and can be used as a learning experience.  A relapse refers to a prolonged return to a pattern of use that one is trying to control or quit, and a lapse represents a momentary slip, typically a one-time occurrence.  There are major differences between a lapse and a relapse in terms of how one might want to move forward and adjust their recovery process.  A lapse may entail increasing mutual support meetings or counseling sessions, whereas a relapse may require additional lifestyle changes and safeguards.  The tendency for the individual to beat themselves up over their deviation from recovery is counterproductive and often propels one to use more of their substance as a means of avoidance and emotional support.  

Turning a relapse or lapse into a learning experience and an opportunity to remember the pain and challenges that lifestyle brings can help enhance future recovery and reinvigorate present resolve.  These experiences provide an opportunity to identify both internal and external triggers that may have gone unnoticed before and prompt us to seek additional support we may have been avoiding.  A relapse is not a sign of failure, but a sign to turn a different direction and seek additional approaches.  It can also assist in one deciding whether moderation or abstinence is the right choice for them based on their previous attempts and resultant consequences.  Ambivalence is often tested on the cold hard battlefield of daily experiences and can be overcome through occurrences that cause friction and pressure in our lives as the result of their natural consequences.  The guilt and shame felt do not have to be overly indulged and used as further justifications to get faded.  Instead, those feelings can be used as reminders of why we wanted to make changes in the first place and what we do not want to experience as a result of choosing to drink or use.  If we can objectively look at our behaviors and how they affect those around us, and remember the feelings felt post re-engagement with our substance of choice after determining to make changes, then we can use a relapse or lapse as a catalyst to continue moving in a value driven direction.